I'm So Hard-Core It Hurts....

2008-08-24T10:20:00.001-07:00

Your infectious smile melts my heart,

Every time I'm feeling down,

I think of you when we're apart,

And even more when you're around.

It scares me how much I care,

I want my heart to be like stone.

But do I tell you? I wouldn't dare.

I know I'm meant to be alone.

2006-06-08T20:32:00.000-07:00

As silence envelopes the room,
Quiet and still like an old dusty tomb,
I peer over at my little boy,
Who is usually loudly playing with his toy,
I can see why it's quiet for the first time today,
He's slumped over, fast asleep with his face in his tray.

2005-05-31T14:20:00.000-07:00

Nothing snuffs my inner fire,
all my dreams, hopes, desires,
burn within me even still,
no one can take away my will.
As life changes, and stills,
my inner burnings rise again.

2004-12-23T17:30:00.000-08:00

This one got a lil too hot.....eeeurgh.
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-10-15T20:23:00.000-07:00

This is my little chinese son.
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-10-14T06:27:00.000-07:00

Isn't that the truth?
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-09-25T23:06:00.000-07:00

...
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-09-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

.
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-09-01T08:46:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to post this pic. I made it black and white, then recolored a few things ;) I thought it was pretty.
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-08-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

This was me today after a heinous sneezing-fit. I just thought I'd share. My eyes were all watery here and I couldn't breathe through my nose anymore. :)
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-07-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

.
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-07-29T12:09:00.000-07:00

Love is the answer
To all of our problems,
Or so we think.
We bury the past, and pretend,
That love makes it Ok.
Or so we tell ourselves.

2004-07-18T19:39:00.000-07:00

.
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-07-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder,
Do I have any faith?
Will I go asunder..
Turn into a wraith?

I'm quick to turn my back,
To hide what I know.
It's faith that I lack,
And what I'm dying to show.

2004-06-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

Entertaining these thoughts,
Never wanting to sleep.
Venting my emotions
You'll get sick of me soon.
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-05-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

I decided to be goth today,
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-05-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

Consuming me whole,
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-05-24T12:53:00.000-07:00

This is me trying to look depressed, but not quite pulling it off. I have decided to turn all of my blogs into photoblogs too, so I am going to be posting lots of pictures in them now. Enjoy.
Posted by Miss KeKe

2004-05-18T07:06:00.000-07:00

Keeping me happy,
Entertaining my soul,
Leaving me joyful,
In the world that is cold.
Enveloping me with love,
And a warm sense of trust,
Not ever questioning,
Doing things out of purpose.
Comforting my heart,
Helping me feel,
Adding good thoughts,
Right into my brain.
Loving you always,
Expecting the best,
Seems an easy undertaking.

2004-05-01T09:11:00.000-07:00

ok, I had this not-so-bright-idea to try and construct some sort of poetry by using only Band named and songs titles I am listening to right now. It didn't come off so well, but the point of a journal is to record everything, not just the stuff you like, so I will post it even though it is painful. :)

And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead,
The Dismemberment Plan.
Your Bright Eyes are a Shot in the Dark.
Superchunk drinks Martini's On the Roof.
The Promise Ring, You're the One I Need.
The Rosebuds Hold My Life.
Do or Die.

2004-04-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

My heart was once hardened beyond repair,
But you have healed it and helped me to care.
You illuminated my life with your dazzling smile,
You make all the sacrifices in life seem worthwhile.
Our love will withstand all the rough tests of time,
I am eternally grateful to know that you're mine.

2004-04-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

Running, she's running through forrest of green,
Eyes closed as she runs so nothing is seen.
Arms pumping wildly, legs going fast,
Silently wishing that this feeling will last.
Running, she's running, she never wants to stop,
Flying free as a bird as she reaches the top,
Running full force until she comes to a halt,
Memories come back, like wounds filled with salt.
As her eyes well up, she peers over the edge,
Wondering if she will really jump off of this ledge.
She slowly turns, with her back to the ravine,
Eyes closed as she thinks, so nothing is seen.
She starts to think of her many mistakes,
She knows that His love is all that it takes.
Running, she's running again through the wood,
Everything in her life is now understood.
At a time when she thought no one loved her at all,
He gave her the courage and she chose not to fall.

2004-04-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

Tickle, Tickle, Tickle!
Little baby giggles.
Tickle, Tickle , Tickle!
Little baby smiles.
Little baby's fickle,
When she grows up,
Like Grim Reaper's Sickle,
Her smile now steals your soul.

2004-04-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

I
Am
So
Happy
Right
Now!!!!

2004-04-17T22:11:00.000-07:00

Like a small child, I fear.
Everytime I turn out the light.
Any small sound makes me tremble,
Roll over and play dead.
Nobody knows how hard
I try to be
Normal,
Good.

To love is to be vulnerable.
Overwhemled by so much fear.

Learning to love, daily.
Opposites attract.
Very happy,
Even though one day, it may be gone.

2004-04-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

A simple feeling.
A wordly feeling.
Makes my heart wretch violently,
wretch with happiness, and grief.
At times it's euphoric.
At times, it feels, so terribly wrong.
It makes me feel sick inside.
It fulfills me.
It tears me down.
It lifts me up,
then drops me back down,
again,
and again, yet I allow it to happen,
again.
One still moment in time I feel good.
I feel like I matter.
I feel someone cares.
I feel wanted.
But wanted, only for one thing.

2004-04-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

Life as the Mother of a Micropreemie
My child, laying there so cold.
No screams, no cries, no signs of life.
Lips blue, my hands tremble,
I don't know what to do,
I can't scream,
I can't move,
I just stare.
I gasp deeply, Shake her gently.
Tiny limbs flailing, little voice crying.
Sit and cry. Prepare for next time.

2004-04-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

Defiled, Stand, Profess, Deceive, Understand, Groanings,
Conscience, Exile, Promise, Confess, Freedom,
Create, Steadfastness, Heed, Blessed
Purity, Iniquity, Praises,
Calvary, Wretch,
Me.

2004-04-04T07:05:00.000-07:00

Koala
Soft and grey,
branches sway,
eating leaves,
atop the trees.

2004-04-03T19:52:00.000-08:00

I decided to do some freewriting tonight. I asked a friend to pick the topic randomly. He chose two, supeman, and Japanese girls.
I'd like to start off saying I think Superman is silly. I was never a fan, and I never will be. A lot of my guy friends have idolized Superman since birth. All I can say is Blah. He is a dude in tights, and I simply don't have a lot of idolatrous time to waste on men wearing tights, unless they are David Bowie in Labyrinth. I love him. I guess if I were a male my opinion might be different about him. He is sexy and all, but he doesn't hold a candle to Jareth (labyrinth). I don't even know a whole lot about him except that he came from another planet or something, and was raised by people whom he thinks are his grandparents maybe? I am not totally sure. I do know that some radioactive rock can make him cry like a nancyboy. Superman can have his pick of any woman he wants though, because all women aside from myself seem to dig the bulging package under little bitch tights. He could even get a *Japanese girl* if he wanted. Like my segue? Japanese girls make me feel all squishy inside. They are so cute and little. They have really cool hair. It's all shiny and dark. I want Japanese girl hair. They all seem to be pretty thin too, like, anorexically thin. I dig the whole *emo* look but I am too big a girl to even consider it. Any Japanese girl could be an emo kid if she wanted to, because they have the weirdo fashion sense too. There is this website I frequent called Engrish, go there and see what I mean. All in all, I think this little ditty seems to sum up the fact that somehow subconsciously, I hate men. I mean, I ranted about a wholesome superhero, and praised short little weird Japanese girls. Oh what a free-write this has been. One question left....To publish, or not to publish?

2004-04-03T09:13:00.000-08:00

Free writing is taking a topic, and just typing anything that comes to your mind. It's a free association type of writing, and may not make sense to the reader. Oftentimes the end topic is totally different from where it started. I like to free write to clear my head of nasty thoughts, and make myself feel better. I don't try really hard to make it grammatically or syntactically correct, I just write. This free write was done for an English class last summer. I don't remember the exact date so I am just going to post it as today's. Free writing is good for the soul. You should try it sometime.

A free-write on love

Love, that one small word that impacts everybody's life so greatly. What is it about that one word that makes it so special?
Love can make you, Love can break you. Love can maim you, blind you, make you happy.
Why do we let this one 4 letter word control our existence to the extent of wanting to die without it.
Love is not a word. Love is a feeling. I could just as easily call it werkelijkheid and it would mean the same thing to my heart.
Words only mean what we let them mean to us. The word fuck for instance. It is only offensive to you if you allow it to be offensive. To some, it means nothing and rolls off the lips without a second thought. To others, that word is abhorred and the utterance of it causes embarrassment and shame. Fuck and Love. Two four letter words, equally powerful. But they do not go together, EVER. They are not the same thing. They merely hold the same amount of power in our perception of the words verbally. The emotions behind these words are what makes them different. All I have to say is, fuck love.

2004-03-30T09:12:00.000-08:00

This was a poem I wrote a year ago. It is slightly on the cheesier side, but I was emotionally dried up at the time. I am sure you can guess what it's about.

Thief
All that I loved he took from me.
I thought that together, forever we'd be.
I feel tiny eyes watching me cry,
And days without comfort keep flying by.
This horrible thing,
And NO one could warn,
That three loving hearts would severely be torn.
Maybe he yearned all along for another,
And planned to leave me alone as a Mother.
Maybe he'll realize his major mistake,
Didn't know that these three loving hearts he would break.
And if he is sorry, it will be much too late,
His careless decisions have sealed his sad fate.
Ne'er again will I hand out my heart for the taking,
For nothing can ever keep it from breaking.

2004-01-29T09:12:00.000-08:00

The City Smells of Burning Cornflakes

The City smelled of burning cornflakes.
Every morning I woke, opened my door to fetch my paper in gastric peace.
As days press on, turned to months, years, decades, nausea shifts to comfort.
A familiar sour-sweet smell of coffee,
mixed with menthol cigarettes,
A matriarchal breath.
I no longer sniff a stench,
while away that pungent odor escaped my memory.
Upon my return the gaseous cloud welcomed me,
Enveloped me.
I know now that I am home.

Here is some 'found' poetry....

Illinois Gals
There are plenty of Photo-ops,
Illinois girls unite!
Mills observes, often ends in court.
We caroled.

Traveling
Mile loop to Serengeti.
Of that was on "one and a half lane"
dust-not mud,
Reminders of British Country.
Auto's driven on the left.

2003-11-12T09:11:00.000-08:00

wrote this for a person who shall remain nameless, but always hold a special place in my heart. This person was one of the very select few that I gave my heart to, but not in a relationship type situation, just the closest a friend can ever be to me. I REALLY REALLY miss him.

Why You??
Your smile reminds me of a naked bottomed cherub,
Dangling his arrow ever so delicately above my head.
Your eyes twinkle that Morse code warning,
But I care not.
I am already in a moribund state, I can't heed those warnings, I can't.
Your fickle nature does not repel me as it should, it only gravitates me further towards you.
You're unkempt, you unnerve me, you're unkind.
But I care not.
You've placed a hold on my dreams and desires for anything other than quenching my thirst for you.
That naked bottomed cherub smile is infectious,
I am diseased with thoughts of you, my stone-cold darling.
It is a terminal illness, but I embrace it.

2003-10-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

This one is silly and I know it. I was in a very weird mood when I wrote this. I was feeling very feminazi-ish.

Coated
I wish I were coated,
In Teflon so nothing could stick.
All my cares would slide right off of me.
I could repel water,
Filth,
Even that thing called love.
I would be strong, durable.
You can't put your shit on me,
HAHA!
I'm non-stick.

'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will break my heart' -anonymous

2003-10-05T07:05:00.000-07:00

Wounded,Yet Deceptive
The cuts, though long healed
Still sting to the point of tears.
My life is barely worth the tears I spill
Thoughts of you bring back paranoid fears.
So lovely,
So accepting.
Innocent, like a child.
You don't know our future.
I might win your heart, but,
You've been beguiled.
My misery
loves...
Your company.